A Funny Story (With Lessons to Learn)

About three days ago, you won't believe that I spent the rest of the night and the early hours of the morning watching Telemundo's La Patrona (The Return). Lolz. Well, I would have ignored the story and gone to sleep but ehnn... It was just too interesting. I had to even camp in the sitting room with the pancakes which I prepared. I needed them to keep me throughout the night just so I could watch the movie.

Fortunately for me I was able to watch it to the end, and afterwards, I had a nice dream (I acted the part 2 of the film in my dream. Lolz) but unfortunately, I ended up sleeping very late.

Now you see, my work starts from 9 o, clock in the morning so that means I should be ready and out of the house as early as 8:00 a.m. However, since I slept at about 4:16 am, I woke up some minutes after 7 with heavy eyes and serious headache. I didn't want to get up at all, I still needed to sleep but when I looked at the time, I knew there was no more sleeping for me. I quickly sat up, said my prayers and started with the house chores. To cut long story short, I didn't leave for work in time. Before I could take my bath and get dressed, the time was already 8:45 am.

Leaving the house at 8:45 am wouldn't have been a big problem but the long walk from my home to the main junction where I can get a cab or a bus usually takes about 15 minutes. Though I must admit that I enjoy the walk sometimes because it usually serves as routine exercise. However, on this particular day I was in a hurry. No time to enjoy the morning air or the serenity of the environment.

Close to the junction, there are lots of beautiful mansions and one duplex owned by very wealthy men and women. These rich people have hausa men and women as gate men, cleaners, gardeners, cooks and so on. Once in a while when these hausa men and women are free, they converge in front of each other's house (their respective oga's house) to discuss all manner of things. From their boss, their bosses' children, to their own children, their work and so much more.

Sometimes when I walk past them, I hear what they say in pidgin english but anything said in hausa passes away with the gentle morning breeze. Having the kind of mind I have, whenever they start talking in their native tongue, I sometimes feel they may be planning an attack on the residents or their bosses. Just like Ofili of http://www.ofilispeaks.com  my Nigerian instincts usually kicks in then.

So, back to my story. That morning I walked fast and finally got to their own side of the estate. I was still on the move when I saw one of the popular hausa guy come out from his boss' compound in a hurry. He wore his work cloths but he left his buttons open. I frowned because I had never seen him dress like that before and I wondered about the sudden change. However, I didn't wonder for long. I noticed he was walking so fast and so I started to wonder about that instead. He kept going at a fast pace while I continued to walk at my own pace but I couldn't help but wonder at his speed. Within seconds, he was far ahead of me.

"Well, maybe he was sent on an errand." I said to myself. I didn't give him so much thought after that. Instead I looked away.

When I was almost at the junction, I was still taking careful steps when I saw this hausa guy walk out of the road and into the bush by the side. Although he was some distance ahead of me, before he entered, I saw him bring out a phone from his pocket to either make or receive a call. I wasn't sure which it was at first.

"Why will this young man run far away from his boss' house and even go into a bush just to make or receive a call?" I wondered out loud. Not long after, my brows raised as suspicion crept in. "Is he a member of the boko people? Were they planning to carry out a secret attack in the area?"

I continued to wonder until I got close enough. I heard him talking over the phone in his native tongue but his voice sounded strained and I wondered why.

Well, I didn't wonder for long. The call soon ended and all I heard was a man trying to push feces out of his butt hole.

"Arrrrrrrrrrrr..." He pushed hard like a woman in labour. Lolz.

Some kids who were passing by covered their nose and made funny faces as they walked past.

"Aboki na so?" One of the boys asked and spat on the ground as if spitting out a fowl taste.


"So that's why he walked so fast." I said rather than ask. I couldn't help chuckling. Frankly, I covered my nose too and walked past even though I wasn't perceiving anything.

Throughout the rest of the journey to the main junction, I wondered why at first I thought the man was up to no good. The first word that came to my mind was boko haram just because the man was hausa. Na wa o! Imagine if I was not close enough to notice what was really happening, I would have assumed that the poor man was plotting something evil because its only a thief or an assasin that will happily run away from a lively home and go into the bush to receive a call. Many people have been given jungle justice for crimes they didn't conceive in their minds let alone carry out. That man would have received his own jungle justice if I had assumed he was up to no good and raised false alarm.

As for the hausa man sha, hhhhhmmmm..., I'm still wondering why he left his oga's mansion to poo in the bush. What do you think? Oga no want make e do am for him house? Just wondering.